Safety Dance

BONG!Much thanks to anton 'forsberg' clarke for his insparational pre game rendition of the 1980s dance classic Men Without Hats 'Safety Dance'. Helping me score what is surely going to be the Domingos' goal of the season. Couldn't have done it without you pal.... A real wormburner.

Ssss-aaaa-ffff-eeee-tttt-yyyy

Safety-dance!

Ah we can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind

Cause your friends dont dance and if they dont dance

Well theyre are no friends of mine

I say, we can go where we want to, a place where they will never find

And we can act like we come from out of this world

Leave the real one far behind.

Hot day at the office

A little retrospective piece written yesterday as i was suffering no fools at work.

Sunshine in a usually grey part of the world!How can i be in work on days like today. There is glorious sunshine outside and i am surrounded by inviduals in work who question me on why i feel it nessesary to open a window. Hmmmm let me just think about that. Their arguement is that i have a fan on my desk and why not just use that to attack this incessant heat. Fair point,the objective of a fan is to cool, but having been dipolmatic and spent the last 15 minites discussing how circulating warm stuffy air does not have the same effect as fresh air from outside via on open window, I ended up taking a leaf out of my mothers book and told them all to fuck off and deal with it and not to touch the window. I realised I have now quickly became hero to the minority and zero to the office masses. haha Grrrrrr i am soo tough and extremely massive!

All about the Weather

As i am in a incredibly giving mood today i am going to pass on the wisdom once passed on to me for accurate weather forecasting. Never again will you be left looking drenched like a wet cat in your summertime attire, for these Norwegians really know the future for sure and are always 100% right. Check out this ridiculous detail:

Taa Daa    http://www.yr.no/place/United_Kingdom/England/Liverpool~2644210/long.html

Certainly time to whip that pale torso of mine out and do a spot of tanning. Anyone wants me i will be in Calderstones Park with the harem of women flocked around me having waterfights!

Reading Material for an Irish Trip

The Hayes-Irvine househouse has emptied this weekend as the lovely Miss Emma Hanna has returned to Norn Iron. As Emma has become one of my number one fans I thought I would treat her to some gnome related fun facts to accompany her on her trip.

So here are the best of the best:

* The largest collection of individual garden gnomes stands at 2042. All of which live in the owners three acre garden.

* The most expensive gnome in the world is worth a cool £1.6 million.

* Gnomes are seven times as strong as a man

* Gnomes are capable of smelling nineteen (?) times better than a man

* Gnomes are exclusively nocturnal creatures and are only active at night when they like to help humans with gardening and farming tasks. (Quite convenient that!)

* Gnomes love practical jokes and are notable pranksters.

* Gnomes are peaceful creatures whose primary enemies are unkind humans and trolls.

* Gnomes kiss by rubbing noses

* Apparently gnomes can hold their urine for 72 hours (Dont Ask)

* And finally here is something for Studog. Gnomes are responsible for the theft of underwear from unsuspecting citizens and are business savvy creatures. Underpants gnomes know a lot about corporations and their business plan is as follows:

Great British Escape!

Where should I live? The time has come to leave the security and mediocrity that Great Britain has to offer and venture to pastures new. But where should I leave my scousie hat? The fact is I am in need of a huge adventure. Being able to jump of a plane and fend for myself in a foreign land armed only with my phrase book and a friendly smile (im working on that smile). I want the feeling that only fear is going to get me through the early part of this experience and will ultimately lead me to success. Dabbling with foreign girlfriends over the last couple of years has quite spectacularly blown up in my face, lots of mess drama and mammoth Skype sessions!! I concede defeat; this is not the right way to go!! Although it would have been nice to have somebody to introduce me to a new culture and way of life I have been left with no choice but to man up and go it alone. Forsberg Stylee. 

I have gone application crazy over the last couple of months. Probably every European UK Embassy has a copy of my CV on their desk, all considering how to get this incredible scouser on the first plane over there. I want a country with a different language, without the safety of English to get me by comfortably. However, just travelling around could be another serious consideration. Hristov and boys are embarking on an interesting around the world trip/piss up. Finances could be a bit of a problem though.

Last year I met two amazing Norwegian girls who were studying in Liverpool for a couple of months. These were the funniest most hardcore guys I’ve ever met who could drink ANYBODY under the table. My type of people I thought, so maybe the cold of Norway could be an option, I do love winter accessories and my mother knits a wicked scarf. So a Norwegian oil company have invited me to attend a webcam interview next week. Why the hell not for £30,000 a year! The only question is do I wear a suit for the interview haha. Should be interesting.

  

First excursion booked for now is Poland in June with the mighty Domingos! Maybe I will not return Warsaw is an awesome city! Keep you posted ya’ll.

 

Blinking

A wise pro blogger has advised me not to just use random facts but to research, clarify and confirm the origins of my subject matter. Good advice I thought, I already look stupid enough! So when I heard today that women blink twice as much as men I thought why not investigate.

Whilst scouring the internet I came across a number of forums for and against the blinking debate. Having not found a definitive answer I came across a site which seemed to offer an explanation with a twist.

‘Blinking is a reflex that is started by a sudden noise. Studies show that women react more quickly than men to these sudden noises, and blink both twice as hard and often as men. Another interesting piece of data; lesbians will blink less severely than heterosexual women, and gay men will blink more severely than heterosexual men. Because blinking is a reflex and isn't learned, some argue that the rate of your blinking can determine whether you will grow up to be homo or heterosexual.’

Hmmmm Gays blink more, who would have funked it!